Tag-araw ng isanlibo, siyam na raan at walumpu’t siyam

Tag-araw ng isanlibo, siyam na raan at walumpu’t siyam

Di sinasadyang pagtatagpo

Di mailarawang kasiyahan ng puso

Di rin nga ba ibinigay dahil sa inaakalang gulo

Ng walang pinag-uugatang panibugho?

Panginoon ko, tanging panalangin

Landas nami’y muling pagtagpuin

Buhay at isipan nawa’y pagsamahin

Dahil sa habambuhay, siya lamang tanging mamahalin. 

One more poem for you…

Sa Tamang Panahon

Written in our national language, Filipino. One true love.

Tama man ang nararamdaman

Hindi tama ang pagkakataon. 
Sa tuwina aking dasal, 

Masabi kong ikaw ang tanging pinakamamahal

At marinig muling ako rin ang siyang bigay ng Maykapal

Sa tamang pagkakataon, 

Sa itinakdang panahon. 

B.

Lull

Muse, my muse, I long to meet you again after a lull from putting out my thoughts out in the open. Bear with me please as I still gather the courage to once again share what my mind is up to. 📝

End of the day

At the end of the day, what really matters is the relationship we have with our God, with how we’ve tried to conduct ourselves when nobody can see or hear us except God himself.

My Lord, I firmly believe in deliverance, in faithfulness, in love that sets no conditions, in all that you represent, whether I’ve seen them or have yet to see them. A mere speck in this world, I am. Yet you place a high price on my, with our lives by putting events, people, situations which I truly cannot decipher but have already mapped out yourself. Who then am I to doubt your greatness? Thank you still, for listening patiently to my endless questions, and letting me see when you want to and not letting me when you just want my trust be wholly placed on you.
Magnificent, awesome, powerful, humble. You are my life. Thank you God!

Run and plan

Proverbs 16:3
Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.

It has been more than a year since my soul was tested and here I am, standing. Still standing. There may be times when my stance would be wobbly or zig-zaggidy ( is this a real word? ) but my legs, my feet, my arms, a good head on my shoulder, they’re all working together, allowing me to just stand.
From a steady stance, there are moments when the weight I’m carrying would just make me slump to the ground and these times would really be well, heavy. Too much to bear. These are the times when doubts would enter my mind and would play with me. Amazingly, after some time, almost everything would lighten up. Somehow, a circumstance, a quote, a joke, a friend would just appear and I’m able to get back on my feet and accord to stand. Again.
Today I’m proud of this stance as I’m running. Literally. I know that I’m able to connect best with my Director when I run ( this after I gave up driving as my knee jerk reaction when I want to clear my thoughts, yes, I know, it was crazy of me to drive while thinking about a lot of things ). Songs are played in my mind and these songs I would sing to God. Love songs, “praise” songs, rock songs. Sometimes, a poem randomly composed pops out. I am running. Not away from people who have made my stance wobbly but towards the thought that somehow, my very testimony would lead them realize that the world is not theirs to command. That it is possible to love, unconditionally, even for a friend or an enemy, simply because I am loved by ever forgiving, accepting, loving God.

John 15:13
There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

Lord God, you know my plans. There are times when I am zig-zaggidy but in the end, everything, everything I lift up to you. Thank you I have you in my life because I can plan and pray audacious plans, grand plans, impossible prayers. I know, with you, everything is possible. Everything.

Out of my League

Out of my League

This place is out of my league. Ask me 10 years ago, it was my turf. I was young ( a bit ), idealistic, determined to make it big in the premier CBD ( central business district ). Rose my way from a sales assitant to an operations ( still an assistant but still, went up one, two notches higher ) assistant. Designed processes and made my way and discovered business and government dealings which at first were all alien to me. Got the hang of it, enjoyed the challenge of running after wayward and out of schedule third party brokers. Oh, spoke with people who did not speak much but still got answers and solutions. Was proud of my work and my determination. And then came a fall, two falls actually. Settled for well, less. This went on for eight years. Push came to a shove. Back to the present, and this, is still out of my league but hey, I am determined ( again ). I am willing to fail and learn along the way and will not let anybody tell me that I am too old to start something. A fall out here and there but I have always believed in the power of prayer and the One who grants them. And He will, He will let all things happen in their most perfect time. And that will be the day that this, won’t be out of my league anymore. No more.

Gift of a Challenge

Gift of a Challenge

Gifts were given to me and I never noticed how valuable they may be to the giver. All I said then when I was younger was ” I want more. ” Back in grade 2, I received a Lego set, a gasoline station. I set it up, got to assembling and putting the blocks together and whola! I was able to duplicate the picture on the box. I’ll always remember that toy, ah! It brings back beautiful memories from a kids point of view. Parents giving me the ” best ” gifts, a father so adamant in providing and giving us what we need and want, a mother who was excited to do the shopping and seeing the smiles on our faces. What I can’t remember is if I ever said ” thank you ” out loud or if I even hugged them. Ah! Beautiful and yes, sometimes, poignant memories.
Boy! All because I wanted more. I wanted the racetrack, complete with the race cars ( we got them by the way but they were not Lego pieces ). I wanted more.
Teenage years and still, we, I received gifts. Material gifts ( umm, chocolates and more chocolates everyday of one summer, Sanrio stationeries, cool bags from Tickles, nice pants and shoes and a whole lot of things ), memories ( beautiful ones by the way, ah, to be young and secretly in love ) and lots more.
Early adulthood ( or so it seems ) dimmed the earlier wonder years of receiving gifts. Less gifts, more challenges. If only escape was near then, I would have entered the nearest available door.
Middle ( is there such a term?! ) adulthood, is the prelude to the clincher. The prelude. Gifts now take on a different form. Totally different forms. A good read, adobo ( Filipino viand that is just so yummy! ), time off from mommyhood for an hour or two, a red satchel bag, a good dvd ( The Notebook or Frozen, ahem ), running early in the morning, beautiful memories with best friends, yes, even challenges. Gifts, challenges, trials, roadblocks, deadlocks, mountains, blessings. Take on different shapes or forms, I’ll still consider you guys as gifts, as blessings because each one brings me closer and closer to our Creator. The gift of a challenge? Yep, definitely because ” I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. ”

My Faith Goals

My Faith Goals

Resolutions, plans, maps, ideas. All these are going through my ever active think tank and I need to get them down on paper ( or online ) or else. Or else I won’t stop thinking about them!
Confession one, I don’t think I’ve ever made a list of resolutions for the new year ( or so I remember ). I guess I was afraid of not fulfilling them. Chicken me. Little me. I like listing things, I like planning, drawing maps was easy for me, ideas are bulb moments but resolutions? Nah, I never made them just because. Yep, I was afraid of falling flat on my face and not being strong enough to keep my promise. So, how come I am composing this blog post and attempting to list down my resolutions, my faith goals?
Confession two, I am in love. I am in love with my God that I would like to touch people’s lives and let them see that He is indeed true and not just a figment of my imagination. I am at that point in my life wherein I can unabashedly tell someone that I love him or her because God’s love is overflowing in me. And that I would like that person to feel that I honestly care about his or her life the way God cares for my life. Ah! I am in love.
Confession three, I still get confused. I still make mistakes ( lots actually ). I still feel inferior about some aspects of my life. I still am arrogant at times. But all these ” stills ” in my life, they become miniscule ” stills ” because my Director has given me faith, has given me hope and boy oh boy, has given me love! So, the life that I lived then, the life that I live now and the life that I will live, will be goal-driven. Mistakes will be there to taunt me. Challenges will be there to sharpen me. Triumph is just there, waiting for its perfect time to unmask itself.
Confession four, and this is a given, I will wait for the Lord, I will wait for the love of my life to unveil his true self to me. Yep, my faith goals, wrapped in hope and love.

Broken date

A Sunday of Broken Dates

Time had me. I expected a good friend to respond positively to my invite for her to join me in a church service and later on for me to join her in hearing mass. It was my way of restoring a friendship that was affected in a negative way by wrong decisions. After two attempts at trying to call her and sending three sms, I stopped trying. I accepted that she chose not to respond in any way ” just because. ” And that it was not her duty to inform me of her decision. After the service, our pastor’s efforts at trying to get God’s message through to the church ( that’s us ), worked on me. I’ve always wanted to ” disciple ” people and have always felt inadequate, somehow too shy, too afraid of being turned down, walked out on, flatly told that ” I already have a God ” and ” I don’t have time ” and a host of so many other one-liners. I bought a book written by the same pastor and as I am typing this blog post, reading through the book. One gift that I wanted to add to a gift bag that I got to enjoy first. And on page 33, the author wrote exactly what I was feeling. Wow! Time. God, you really know ” pleroo, ” your most perfect time. Wow! It was a broken plan on my end but it worked perfectly on God’s end which rubbed on perfectly on me. Perfect. God, you are indeed perfect.

Running thoughts

Too many thoughts, too many doubts are in my mind right now. I am in a hurt state. I did not expect this because I have been declaring that I am a firm believer in an all-loving God yet here I am, finally facing that self-doubt is wracking my brain. I thought of running so I could finally put down my thoughts on paper ( or my phone notepad ). I have been avoiding it too long. I did NOT want to meet with my muse, bless you Bless ( that’s my given name to her ). I did not want to meet with you because I am afraid to expose my soul and then be rejected, over and over. I guess this is fiction maybe because these thoughts, they’re just all in my mind. Figment. Of. My. Imagination. You see bless ( now I’m directly addressing you ), I am most myself when I am alone and writing. The roadblocks that I face, I write them down, describe them vividly as I know I am a visual person. But right now, no words can describe the rejection that I am feeling. No words. But I still aim to share, somehow hoping that after 200 or 300 words later, I’ll be making sense, you’ll be nodding your head and if not agreeing with me, at least willingly lending your ears Bless or your eyes dear reader. You see, I am a giver. I do not hesitate at all when I give, whatever it is that I can give. Be it money, my time, my words, my ears, shoulders or my trusty old car. There. Some words. It’s good to run. I have discovered that I pray most effectively when I run, think clearly when I drive and cry without shame when I sit down with God.
My muse, Bless, stay with me please. I take comfort in the thought that you were given by my Director and I should use you to reach out and touch lives. Stir up emotions and let people think, react, not react, or do whatever they want to do with the letters that you and I make up.
My Director, Lord God, I know you’ll stay with me. I may not see you now but I know you are directing my every move, my every thought, all for your glory.